Who's a bad blogger?

All blog experts will tell you that a daily entry is critical to success. My two-month 'No news is good news' experiment has proven otherwise - I'm getting more hits every day by doing absolutely nothing. Something else I don't understand.

My laconic blogging could be explained by multiple overseas trips, the start of the football season or discovering Mad Men. Instead I'll blame Toby Ziegler, nine kilograms of fun who adopted us recently.

Out of Vogue Travel

When I look at travel magazines I see a whole lot of glossy prettiness that I might momentarily lust after, but I know that what I really want out of global adventuring is the odd, the cheesy and the so uncool it's come full circle back to cool. Slinky is nice, but dinky is forever. I once stalked a whole family with mullets through the streets of Paris for an hour, hoping for the perfect shot. I couldn't tell you a single other thing of note I did that day, week or trip.

Take a recent trip to Singapore and Malaysia. My time was jam-packed with work, so opportunities for mullet hunting were limited. I did some scrappy internoodle research before I left, however, and quickly stumbled upon my first free time activity - the fish spa.

A spa can be a jacuzzi, or a place you go to for various overpriced treatments involving shea butter, rocks and a small but violent woman who smiles while she hurts you. In this case, the spa was a toddler pool filled with fish that are slightly bigger than bait and have a keen interest in nibbling your feet.



You begin by exchanging the obligatory piranha joke with the attendant. He won't smile. When you finally put your feet in the fish will go nuts for you, having gradually lost interest in the other feet in their world (yes, it's a communal pool). These are cheese lovin' fish, evidently. Next, giggle like a lady-boy for an extraordinary amount of time until you almost pass out and topple into the thing. Finally, just as your fifteen minutes for 10 Ringgit is almost up, achieve a state of acceptance and enjoyment of this most disturbing spa treatment.

I can't vouch for any therapeutic benefits, although the sign says 'Improved Circulation and Skin Exfoliation'. That may well be true, but if laughter is the best medicine then this is a quadrupal bypass. I discovered there are other places in Singapore where you do this and can go in up to your neck. Let's hope they're not cave-dwelling fish.

As I sprinted through Great World City in Singapore for a meeting I could not help but notice a restaurant plastered with gold records, guitars and other musical whatnot. On closer inspection I saw that this was a restaurant named for that most obvious Singaporean obsession, Mr. Kenny Rogers. The restaurant was called 'Kenny Rogers Roasters' and offers 'The world's greatest chicken'. It's these moments of discovery that make the most tedious flights worthwhile. Someone had built a shrine to Kenny Rogers! In Singapore?! I stood outside, head angled like a confused dog, for some time before resuming my sprint.

Sometime later that week, and after speaking to many people about my discovery, I learned that Kenny Rogers Roasters is actually a very big deal in Asia. Marvellous! They have stores all over Asia, and are huge in the Philippines in particular. Every one I saw was packed to the hilt with punters hungry for a slice of Kenny goodness.



I note with intense personal and possibly professional interest that Australia is listed on their website as 'Coming Soon'. Oh please let it be true. Not for the food (I ate there and fillet of foot fish would be better) but for the sheer delight of seeing Kenny's face beaming down from the logo wherever I go (and note that the logo sports a pre-cosmetic surgery Kenny image. Bizarrely, post-op Kenny has more than a little Colonel Sanders about him).



It's sublimely absurd and what I call travel.

Taking a Crack at Defining a City

No two people will describe the same city in the same way. I recently completed a project with my take on Melbourne for Travel Muse in the US.

Scammers are getting lazier, or we're getting dumber

Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me. Pay ten large into a complete stranger's bank account, you're an evolutionary oversight.

I love reading the phishing scams that come my way. All these people sitting on so much money! If only they could get it out of their country, poor loves.

And such complicated lives they lead. Well-meaning doctors who've inherited a patient's millions. UN officials with bulging bank accounts. Nephews of recently dead millionaires with no time to waste. Deposed princes of various kinds on the run. The stories are thick with glamour.

This one is my favourite. I win millions almost every week because someone in Spain wants to 'encourage' me to use the internet. Like I need encouragement.

After listing a car for sale on Craigslist I discovered a whole new level of dumbed-down scamming. Check out one of the responses I got:

>> Thanks for the email and happy new year,do let me know how much you
>> are willing to sell the item to me . I will be paying with my paypal
>> account which is the safest online payment mode.so please do reply me
>> asap with your paypal account or send me a payment request from your
>> paypal account so i can effect payment to you rightaway. You can
>> easily open an account with paypal if you don,t have one at
>> www.paypal.com.au its safe,simple and reliable also do get back to me
>> so we can arrange for pick up as i will like the item to be picked by
>> my pick up agent due to the fact that i am out of the country now on
>> job duties,so no shipping included I await your reply.
>>
>>
>> Hope to hear from you soon.
>> Regards

This guy sure loves PayPal, and talking about PayPal. He loves it so much he will ignore absolutely everything related to buying a car and just focus on how quickly, safely and conveniently he can get me my money. Now I'm no car expert per se, but at some point in the transaction I usually like to look at the thing I'm buying. I'm crazy that way. He has a pick-up agent, too, which makes me feel very secure, safe and convenient. Damn, it's catching.

But this takes the cake. I think the scammer sent me the wrong email - this is obviously Valerio Bracalone's 'selling a car' scam email:

Hello ,

Thank you for your enquiry regarding my vehicle.
The vehicle is in perfect working condition i'm the only owner and it has 2009 Rego so you will have no problem registering and licensing the vehicle.
I've worked in Australia for the past 3 years and since the birth of my son in January 2009 i came home to Italy.
The vehicle is in Australia at DAS freight department and i have full access(i can deliver the vehicle anywhere in Australia).
I will arrange delivery on my cost to your home address and you will have a 5 days period for inspection.
The total price includes (stamp duty, registration, transfer fee, and insurance).
We can use an escrow agreement to facilitate payment so that we both can be 100 % protected.
www.escrow.com/solutions/escrow/process.asp
I will also supply some more pictures as soon as i get home from work.
If you are interested,please reply with the following information's in order to arrange shipping at DAS freight department:
-Your full name ;
-Full delivery address(with postal code);

So he's Italian, he has a new son (You can trust people with kids, right? Nice touch Valerio) and has forgotten to sell his car. The price includes insurance (How does that work, Valerio?). I shouldn't be concerned, however, because a word like 'escrow' screams authenticity, doesn't it? But the website where I'll be putting my money just doesn't look right, despite the fancy word. Valerio, cheeky boy, is that you again? Well, I never.

If I only I could make money scammer baiting. Wait a minute...

Seeking Steinbeck, Finding Party Dude

Anyone familiar with John Steinbeck's work will know about Monterey. This is the setting for the books Cannery Row and Sweet Thursday. He thinly fictionalised his scientist friend Ed Ricketts into the character Doc for these novels. Tonnes of sardines were pulled from these waters, and the waterfront town was alive with salty characters.

Of course it was high on my to-do list when I was in California recently. I was excited to see the physical home and inspiration for these great books.

Sadly, Monterey has become a kitschy joke. All fishing has disappeared. Any evidence of Steinbeck has been hosed away and replaced with American Fat-o-Matic Dining establishments. There was literally nothing to see related to the area's most famous son (only afterwards did I realise that The Steinbeck Center was 17 miles away in Salinas)

The day was a complete bust until I spotted this (and click the image for a gorgeous close-up):



This guy was rockin' out with a keyboard guitar and not a single person cared. Except for me. There was no irony in his choice of instrument - his haircut and spotless white trousers screaming 'The 80's will never be over as long as I'm around!' make that very clear.

It was heavenly and, dare I say it, the best gig I have ever seen for reasons no other performer in the world will be able to match.

Steinbeck can wait.

Yes He Can

In a few hours Barack Obama will take the seat held mostly incompetently by Bush Jr. Over the last few days this nincompoop's attempts in the media to sell himself as having been a great president have been embarrassing. Awarding a 'Thanks for Fighting a Ridiculous War with Me' award to our own ex-Little Johnnie was equally nauseating. I hope both of them disappear forever. Falling through a stage trapdoor would be poetic.

Obama has shown us he has all the moves, and he'll make some mistakes no doubt, but I'm a believer.

Hiroshi Goes Home

When I wrote about Hiroshi a while back I was desperate to know what his motives were. He's now on his way home, and while I'd still like to know what he was thinking, I'm more concerned that he doesn't do something stupid. He strikes me as a man on the edge.

Good luck to you, Hiroshi.